


On Track and Off the Rails

by StripedSunhat



Series: Single Father Klaus [7]
Category: Girl Genius (Webcomic)
Genre: Gen, Klaus freaks out, Pre-Canon, When the ten-year-old is the most competent person in the room, Why Klaus needs therapy, Why Sparks need therapy, the three stooges of assassins
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-27
Updated: 2018-10-27
Packaged: 2019-08-08 07:03:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,045
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16424639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StripedSunhat/pseuds/StripedSunhat
Summary: Klaus devises a test for Gil.  The test is three fake assassins.  Gil does very well.Except for the part where the assassinsweren'tactually the test.  They were real.Klaus freaks the hell out.





	On Track and Off the Rails

**Author's Note:**

> This idea was originally suggested by Elf+Kid2.0. It kind of went a bit away from the original prompt and a little bit (read: a lot) off the rails but it is still the best of ideas for little Gil. Hopefully the story itself lives up to it.

Klaus was having a hard time not grinning to himself. It was an unfamiliar position to be in. He sort of liked it. Which was a good thing because he was very much failing at beating his grin back down. He was beginning to scare his advisors.

It was finally finished. After almost a month of working, it was finally complete. He couldn’t wait to show Gilgamesh.

Klaus had made an obstacle course. Actually, obstacle course was too simple of a term for it. He’d taken over an entire dirigible for it. It spanned the entire length and ever level of it. There were more than twenty different sections, designed to test every aspect he could think of. And not just physical; critical thinking, creative problem solving, military history, political etiquette… Gil was going to love it.

He’d sent a note to Gilgamesh telling him that he had a surprise test for him and to meet him in front of the lab tomorrow morning. He’d made it _explicitly_ clear to his advisors exactly how unavailable his time was tomorrow. Now all he had to do was wait. Another grin tugged at his lips. One of his advisors inched back.

* * *

Given his underlings’ history with understanding the meaning of ‘explicitly unavailable for god’s sake I have more important things to do than clean up after you screaming, drooling imbeciles’ Klaus was pleasantly surprised when he was only half an hour later getting to the lab than he planned.

Gilgamesh wasn’t waiting in front of the lab but that didn’t surprise him. Gil knows that Klaus’s schedule can often be variable an unpredictable. After a few minutes of Klaus not showing up he probably decided to pass the time working on one of his rapidly-multiplying solo inventions.

As soon as he opened the door he was greeted by Gilgamesh’s unusually deferential voice saying, “Good morning Herr Baron.”

Herr Baron? Since when had Gilgamesh ever called him ‘Herr Baron’? Klaus pushed his way fully into the lab. Then he stopped. Gilgamesh was standing in the middle of the lab with his hands folded in front of him. Directly behind him were three men lumped together in a homemade cage on the floor. There were three unknown men in their private, personal lab and they were in a _cage_.

Right. Step one: get Gilgamesh within his sphere of protection. Immediately. He could figure out what the hell is going on after that.

“Come here.” Gilgamesh obediently came over to his side. Klaus waited until he was within physical reach before he relaxed enough to stop scanning the lab. He looked down at his son. “What is going on here?”

“I caught them!” Klaus blinked, feeling very distinctly like he missed a step.

“Caught who?”

Gilgamesh looked back over at the caged men. “I think they’re supposed to be assassins. Right? At least, I don’t think they’re supposed to be spies. They weren’t sneaky enough to be infiltrating anything and they weren’t taking advantage of being alone to do anything like they would if they had a mission. So assassins make the most sense. Because then their not doing anything would make sense because they were looking for their target. Right?” He looked up at Klaus like he’s expecting an answer but Klaus could’t think past the word assassins. The world wasn’t processing beyond it.

He grabbed Gilgamesh’s shoulders gripping him tightly and dragging him closer. Further away from the men that would have _killed him_. “Why didn’t you find one of the guards and tell them rather than trying to catch them yourself?”

“Wasn’t I supposed to?” Supposed to? No he wasn’t _supposed to_ –

Oh god.

Gilgamesh had thought he was supposed to go after them.

Oh god _he’d sent his son after assassins._

He was never writing ambiguous notes again.

Klaus opened his mouth to snap no, no he was not _supposed to_ , to tell him Gilgamesh he was _never_ ‘supposed to’ go after assassins, he was supposed to stay **_safe_** and damn the rest of the world –

Klaus snapped his mouth shut. He couldn’t say that in front of assassins. Instead he nodded very, very sharply. “The assailants are secure. I’ll handle the rest from here. You may leave.”

Gil tilted his head to the side the way he always did right before he said something that made Klaus regret everything. “Was that it?”

Yup. Definitely regretting _Everything_. “Is that a problem?”

Gilgamesh shrugged. “It just… seems too easy?”

“Too easy?” Klaus repeated.

“Too Easy!?” The middle one surged forward against the bars of the cage. Klaus grabbed a knife. The cage was homemade, if it didn’t hold, if they escaped –

Gilgamesh flicked a previously unnoticed switch sitting on the nearby table. A high-pitched buzz filled the room and the man went rigid, hair standing on end. Gilgamesh flicked the switch again and the buzzing cut out. The other two pulled their compatriot away from the bars.

“You electrified the cage,” Klaus said dumbly. The knife slipped out of his grip and clattered onto the table as he stared at the switchbox. He’d _electrified the cage_.

“Uh-huh. At first the cage wasn’t but I was worried about them breaking out of it.”

“You made adjustments to the cage while they were already in it?” he demanded.

“They were unconscious.”

“That’s no excuse,” he said, voice carefully level. He wanted to yell it. Gilgamesh knew how easy it was to fake unconsciousness. Klaus had taught him that. He wanted to grab Gilgamesh by the shoulders again and drag him as far away from that cage as humanly possible.

Gilgamesh fortunately understood everything Klaus couldn’t afford to say in front of assassins. His shoulders curled in on themselves slightly and his gaze dropped to the ground. “I’m sorry. I wired it from the outside,” he added, glancing back up. “I was worried they’d escape. But they haven’t even tried.” His posture shifted again, slipping from contrite to pouting. “It’s kind of disappointing.”

“Disappointing!?” the middle one yelled, lunging at the cage again. Gilgamesh flicked the switch again.

“I’m sorry to disappoint,” Klaus snarked before he could stop himself.  Oh god, what was Klaus _doing?_ Assassins. There were still _assassins_ in the room. Those men were living, breathing _threats._ Gilgamesh was standing less than three meters away and here Klaus was standing there talking to his son like this was a normal interaction. What was wrong with him?

Gilgamesh’s eyes went wide. “I didn’t mean it like that!” he said, frantically waving his arms in front of his face as if to erase the words from the air. If it had in fact been a test, Klaus probably would have been a bit insulted by the comment but as it stood all Klaus could feel was pathetically grateful the assassins his son had stumbled upon were disappointing ones. “They were very helpful assassins!”

‘ _Helpful?'_ the one on the left mouthed to himself. The one on the right eyed them in a way that said the gears were turning at speeds far too fast to be connected to any rational or worthwhile thought. The one in the middle was still sparking. Klaus flicked off the switch.

“And how were the assassins helpful? Did they come to murder someone you don’t approve of?”

There was a strangled sound of someone choking on their own tongue. Klaus’s attention snapped over at the sound. All three of the prisoners were watching the two of them.

They were not his men, masquerading as incompetent assassins; they were… actually that incompetent.

Incompetent attackers could still kill you, if they got lucky. And then you had to carry that indignity with you to the next world. Klaus could not risk his son because he kept letting their idiocy distract him from the fact that they were in fact _assassins_.

Assassins were a bad thing.

He couldn’t send Gilgamesh away _now_. He’d already drawn enough attention to him as it was. If he tried to send him away now all it would do was highlight how much Klaus cared about Gilgamesh. Damn it, why couldn’t Gilgamesh leave when Klaus first told him to?

“What’s the kid doing here anyway?” the middle one muttered, apparently recovered from his recent shock.

“Isn’t it obvious?” the right-most one whispered back. “He’s a test subject! The Baron’s been experimenting on him!”

They thought he was a test subject? All right. Okay. He could work with this. This was… good actually. Potentially. He could shift their attention away from Gilgamesh. All he had to do was act like he would normally. Affect the sort of disinterested interest he’d have for an experiment like this. Pretend Gilgamesh was a simple test subject. Not the single most precious thing is this or any other world. Just another test subject; one of dozens, if not hundreds. He could do this.

“How were the assassins helpful then?”

Gilgamesh’s eyes widened. Clearly he hadn’t thought Klaus was going to return to that line of enquiry. “It was a learning experience.”

“A learning experience, how exactly?”

“Um…” Gilgamesh floundered for a moment before straightening his shoulders and proudly declaring in that way all children had when even they weren’t even sure what was going to come out of their mouths, “It was a learning experience on the importance of properly gauging the situation so you don’t overestimate your opponent.”

“Overestimate!?” The other two grabbed the middle one before he could make another lunge for the bars.

“Don’t anger the demon child!” the one on the left hissed. He then seemed to notice he’d caught Klaus’s attention by speaking and shrunk back into the corner of the cage.

“He’s not a demon child!” the right one hissed back. “He’s a victim of the Baron’s experiments!”

“What experiments?”

“He’s trying to grow his own jägers!”

“What?”

He’s trying to grow jägers that can blend in with society. He’s making his own army of invisible jägers. And obviously the kid’s one of the first test subjects for his formula. How else would he have been able to bring that wall down?”

“You brought a wall down on them?” Klaus asked, turning back to his son.

“I’m sorry. I was overestimating how hard they would be to take down and didn’t want to get too close.”

“No, no. It was a good idea. It’s always better to stay as far away from assassins as you can.” Very far please. From now on. Forever. “You did the right thing keeping your distance from them.” Gilgamesh grinned happily, accidently showing off far too many teeth.

“Oh sweet lightning,” the nervous one breathed. “He’s made a jäger child. He’s made a _jäger **child**_.”

Klaus stared. “You didn’t capture assassins, you captured idiots.”

Gilgamesh tilted his head to the side again. “Does that mean there are smarter assassins I was supposed to catch too?”

Oh no.

Nonononono.

Oh god just stop talking, you’re making everything worse. Klaus grabbed ahold of his panic and ruthlessly shoved it down. He couldn’t freak out. Academic interest. That was all he was feeling right now, half-bored academic interest for a particularly clever test subject. He turned his attention to the prisoners, raising an eyebrow and channeling all of his trapped panic into intimidation. The jumpy one tried to squirm behind his compatriots to hide. “I don’t know,” Klaus said, focusing in on him, letting him know hiding was not working, “are there?” The prisoner’s back hit the far side of the cage.

The middle one however surged forward against the front bars. “That’s right!” he yelled. We are multiple and many! We are not alone in our enterprise! This entire filthy flying bag of rot is swarming with our men and soon this entire despicable empire will be brought to its knees! And you, Herr Baron, will –” His speech cut off as Gilgamesh flicked the switch again. The bars he’d been gripping shooting electricity through him yet again. You’d think he’d learn at some point. Then again, maybe not.

Klaus turned back to face his son. “Why did you cut him off?”

“I’m sorry Herr Baron,” he said, flicking the switch off. “I was just trying to speed things up.”

“Never interrupt a prisoner when they’re ranting, you never know what they might give away.”

“Yes, Herr Baron.”

“Hey kid!” he called, trying to wave Gilgamesh over. “We can help you escape the Baron.”

Klaus tensed. His fingers closed around the forgotten knife.

Gilgamesh meanwhile, actually _took a step closer to the cage_. “What do you mean, escape?” Klaus grabbed Gilgamesh again, sharply pulling him backwards. His other hand gripped the knife in a white-knuckled grip.

The scared one grabbed his friend’s arm. “You’re going to get us killed!”

He shook off the hand. “We can get you off this airship and far, far away from here.”

“Why would I want to do that?”

“Shut up!!”

“We have to help the kid. We need to save him from the Baron!”

“‘The kid’ doesn’t want help. ‘The kid’ threw us in a cage!”

“He’s brainwashed!”

“I’m not even sure it’s human!” Klaus reached forward and grabbed the man, pulling him against the bars. He then flicked the switch. The crazy one yelped and then tried to pull his friend away. The third one glanced over at Klaus before rifling through his clothes. “Die Filth!!” he yelled, pulling out… nothing. “Where’s my knife?”

“I took it away.” Gilgamesh said.

“It was hidden,” the man whimpered.

Gilgamesh blinked. “Then why was it so easy to find?”

The man sunk to the floor, staring at his empty hand.  His lower lip quivered.

This was Klaus’s chance. “Now that the theatrics are over, perhaps we can move along?” He began shepherding Gilgamesh toward the door. “I think your job is done. I’ll handle the rest.” He could get him out of the lab; get him away from these assassins. He reached for the door handle – only for the door to open before he could touch it. Klaus shoved Gilgamesh behind one of the lab tables.

One of his guards wandered inside, walking straight past Klaus without even noticing him. “They had to have stowed them somewhere… Oh. So that’s where they went.”

“That’s where **who** went?” The guard yelped, jumping a meter in the air and spinning around.

“Herr Baron!!”

“You don’t seem particularly surprised at the sight of three men trapped in a cage in the middle of my lab. I know I was.” Klaus advanced on his guard. “Tell me, why are you not surprised to see caged assassins?”

“Uh…”

“Klaus advanced further. “Well?”

“The jägers!” the guard yelled. “The jägers let them in! They were bored and we thought it was best if they had something to hunt?”

“And yet you didn’t seem to expect to find them when you came in here.”

“Um, uh… We knew they were around here somewhere.”

“Let me make sure I’m understanding this,” Klaus said, his voice absolute ice. “Not only did you let three _known assassins_ onto my airship, you then proceeded to **_lose track of them_**.”

The guard had gotten very pale. “N-No Herr Baron. O-Of course not!” he squeaked. “It’s just that the jägers usually brag when they’re the one to catch them. But when they started celebrating the catch this time none of them were taking the credit for it?”

“Usually,” Klaus said. The guard tried to shift back without actually moving. Moving would draw attention to him. “This time.” The guard actually did stumble back a step. Hiding logic was gone, there was only panic now. “The jägers _usually_ brag when they catch one. But _this_ time they didn’t. Am I to understand then that letting assassins freely wander my airship is a **_regular occurrence?_** ” The guard made a faint, high-pitched noise of distress and fear.

Gilgamesh leaned over around the table. The guard visibly startled at Gilgamesh’s sudden appearance. His eyebrows furrowed, first in confusion, then deeper in recognition. “Gi –” Klaus growled at the guard. He would **not** let _assassins_ know his son’s _name._ What little color the soldier had fled.

“Did I spoil the test?” Gilgamesh asked. “Was I not supposed to catch them yet?”

“Oh good,” Klaus heard one of assassins say, in a tone most likely thought to be too quiet for him to hear. It missed by a very wide mark. “The real jägers haven’t accepted him yet. Maybe there’s still hope.”

“Hope for what?”

Klaus ignored everything, keeping his focus on the guard and his grip firmly on Gilgamesh’s shoulder. “Go gather up more of your fellow guards and bring them here. No jägers, human guards only. Take these three and move them to my interrogation lab. I’ll be down tomorrow to deal with them. I do not want them left alone until I’m there.”

“Yes Herr Baron,” the guard said nodding vigorously.

“I think the cage is still electrified,” Gilgamesh said. He tried to go over to the table only to immediately get pulled up short by Klaus.

The guard edged closer to the table instead and hesitantly flicked the switch. The buzzing sound that Klaus hadn’t even noticed was still going stopped. “Huh. We’ll… keep that in mind.”

“You do that.” Klaus said. “I expect you to not lose them again.”

The guard gulped. “Of course not Herr Baron.”

Klaus nodded before heading to the door, pulling his son along with him. They made it two hallways away before Gilgamesh looked up and asked, "Where are we going?"

“We are going to spend the rest of the day in the family quarters.”

“The family… Oh! Do you mean your rooms?”

“Yes.”

They walked in silence until they reached Klaus’s rooms. Only once the door was firmly closed behind the two of them did Klaus finally allow himself to breath for the first time since he’d walked into the lab. He slumped against the closed door, burying his face in his hand.

“Did I pass?”

Klaus pulled his hand away.  His son was smiling nervously up at him.  "What?"

"The test.  Did I pass?"

Klaus stared down at his son’s smiling face. “…Yes. Yes you did. Good job son I’m proud of you.”

He’d save the dirigible for another time. Another, much more _supervised_ time.

**Author's Note:**

> Gil won't learn they were real assassins until much, much later. Some time when Klaus is visiting post canon, after the two of them have made their peace with each other. Gil's telling childhood stories over dinner and he starts on the time Klaus sent fake assassins after him and Klaus looks up from his meal, says, "actually they were real." Then just... returns to his meal. With no other explanation. And he just leaves it like that and lets them all freak out until he finishes his food.  
> Because even once grown up and running an empire, Klaus can still mess with his son.


End file.
